4 Types of Facebook "Friends"

I finally did it. I deleted my Facebook account. Ironically, it was in the same week as I began posting on this blog. At least you can't call me a complete attention-whore. I signed up sort of by accident anyway and then stayed too long out of habit. I had nearly 300 "friends" that I can group into four basic categories:

1. Terminally annoying:
I added these people out of guilt because I like to think of myself as a nice person. They initiated the "friending," and I couldn't hit ignore. These people, their pictures of their supper, and their constant whinging about baby poop, hangovers, and their shit lives were quickly hidden. I could present myself as a nice guy who is friends with everyone I ever met, and I didn't have to read their bullshit.

2. Mostly annoying/occasionally interesting:
Not bad enough to hide completely, these people still monopolized the News Feed with food and diapers and requests to please join them in some bedazzled online game. But, they were cousins or old friends whose off-line life I actually care about (or yes, I just wanted to creep their profile periodically). On the off chance they did something interesting, it was nice to have them around.

3. People I like who don't post anything:
The people I care about are the ones who have off-line lives where they do real things. Things I hope invite me along for. They have a Facebook account, because, really, who doesn't? They just don't live there. An irregularly annual photo album or profile picture to demonstrate that yes, they are indeed alive and out there, living. Without Shitville or Sparkly Turd Mafia Hunter. These are not the people who are online 15 hours a day and really believe that being a stay-at-home mom in the 21st century is the hardest thing anyone has ever done.

4. Interesting people I don't really know:
I went to university with some cool folks. Since I was married already, and you know, old, I didn't live in the dorms or go to keggers, but I still managed to have people in classes I could talk to and enjoy social interaction with. Some of them remain interesting, some remain drunk, a few are still both. Some post articles and commentary on Facebook constantly, and manage to not be annoying about it.

Obviously, if Facebook was all 3s and 4s, I would have stayed on indefinitely. Since it is primarily 1s and 2s, with a whole flock of ads now thrown in, especially on my phone, I'm done. I'm still not sure why I was ever friends with the guy who recommended I like Walmart.